Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize