I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
