Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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