So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
