and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
