it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm always down for nudity.
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