my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
40s are totally the cure
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
