I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
