You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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