I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
These tits shall not be calmed
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize