we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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