Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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