I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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