Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
