Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
