id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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