She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
