he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize