One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Girls should come with a carfax report
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
