Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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