the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize