Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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