I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
