for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
