Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
