There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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