I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
