the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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