i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
