'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
