The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
