we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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