I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
