yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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