Dual....:-)
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
