i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
