I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How does one acquire holy water?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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