I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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