you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
