UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize