How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
