Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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