I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
