you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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