listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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