thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize