i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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