I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
