why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
