i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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