just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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