His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
