So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
