I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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