I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
