The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
