i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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