I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
