since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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