I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
