I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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