wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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