so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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