so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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