I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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