The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
