My underwear smells like fireworks.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
