two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
