Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
