So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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