I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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