I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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