you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
