Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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