Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
