Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
