dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize