I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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