I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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