i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
