Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
