i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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