I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
