I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
