i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
