Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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