You're a womanizer and a bitch.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
