Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
