we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
