Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
