Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
