I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
