I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
