And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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