Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
