This is not my ceiling
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
