That's intense
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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