Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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