Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
