Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
