i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
