you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
