I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
