So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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