Who wears a wallet chain?!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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