I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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