Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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