hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
