This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Randomize
