sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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